When I was seventeen and preparing to leave for university, my mother’s only brother saw fit to give me some advice.
“Just don’t be an idiot, kid,” he told me, “and don’t ever forget that boys and girls can never just be friends.”
I laughed and answered, “I’m not too worried. And I don’t really think all guys are like that.”
When I was eighteen and the third annual advent of the common cold was rolling through residence like a pestilent fog, a friend texted me asking if there was anything he could do to help.
I told him that if he could bring me up some vitamin water that would be great, if it wasn’t too much trouble.
That semester I learned that human skin cells replace themselves every three to five weeks. I hoped that in a month, maybe I’d stop feeling the echoes of his touch; maybe my new skin would feel cleaner.
It didn’t. But I stood by what I said. Not all guys are like that.
When I was nineteen and my roommate decided the only way to celebrate the end of midterms was to get wasted at a club, I humoured her.
Four drinks, countless leers and five hands up my skirt later, I informed her I was ready to leave.
“I get why you’re upset,” she told me on the walk home, “but you have to tolerate that sort of thing if you want to have any fun. And really, not all guys are like that.”
(Age nineteen also saw me propositioned for casual sex by no fewer than three different male friends, and while I still believe that guys and girls can indeed be just friends, I was beginning to see my uncle’s point.)
When I was twenty and a stranger that started chatting to me in my usual cafe asked if he could walk with me (since we were going the same way and all), I accepted.
Before we’d even made it three blocks he was pulling me into an alleyway and trying to put his hands up my shirt. “You were staring,” he laughed when I asked what the fuck he was doing (I wasn’t), “I’m just taking pity.”
But not all guys are like that.
I am twenty one and a few days ago a friend and I were walking down the street. A car drove by with the windows down, and a young man stuck his head out and whistled as they passed. I ignored it, carrying on with the conversation.
My friend did not. “Did you know those people?” He asked.
“Not at all,” I answered.
Later when we sat down to eat he got this thoughtful look on his face. When I asked what was wrong he said, “You know not all guys do that kind of thing, right? We’re not all like that.”
As if he were imparting some great profound truth I’d never realized before. My entire life has been turned around, because now I’ve been enlightened: not all guys are like that.
No. Not all guys are. But enough are. Enough that I am uncomfortable when a man sits next to me on the bus. Enough that I will cross to the other side of the street if I see a pack of guys coming my way. Enough that even fleeting eye contact with a male stranger makes my insides crawl with unease. Enough that I cannot feel safe alone in a room with some of my male friends, even ones I’ve known for years. Enough that when I go out past dark for chips or milk or toilet paper, I carry a knife, I wear a coat that obscures my figure, I mimic a man’s gait. Enough that three years later I keep the story of that day to myself, when the only thing that saved me from being raped was a right hook to the jaw and a threat to scream in a crowded dorm, because I know what the response will be.
I live my life with the everburning anxiety that someone is going to put their hands on me regardless of my feelings on the matter, and I’m not going to be able to stop them. I live with the knowledge that statistically one in three women have experienced a sexual assault, but even a number like that can’t be trusted when we are harassed into silence. I live with the learned instinct, the ingrained compulsion to keep my mouth shut to jeers and catcalls, to swallow my anger at lewd suggestions and crude gestures, to put up my walls against insults and threats. I live in an environment that necessitates armouring myself against it just to get through a day peacefully, and I now view that as normal. I have adapted to extreme circumstances and am told to treat it as baseline. I carry this fear close to my heart, rooted into my bones, and I do so to keep myself unharmed.
So you can tell me that not all guys are like that, and you’d even be right, but that isn’t the issue anymore. My problem is not that I’m unaware of the fact that some guys are perfectly civil, decent, kind—my problem is simply this:
In a world where this cynical overcaution is the only thing that ensures my safety, I’m no longer willing to take the risk.
— r.d. (via vonmoire)
And if you are a heavy girl, a guy who leers and gropes will expect you to be grateful.
And male friends will, disgusted, call you desperate and accuse you of begging them to sleep with you. Because you spend time with them and do nice things.
And you’ll realize they assume so because that’s the only reason they as men would do such things.
Can I just say how cool it was that both of these superheroines’ personalities and powers were explored in this episode? And how well it was done?
Starfire was not shamed for being emotional. Her powers come from her emotions.
Raven was not shamed for suppressing her emotions. Her power requires amazing control.
They both. Work. They are both different kinds of strength, and they are both heroic and powerful and good. And they each learned from the other, and helped each other out by seeing from each others’ perspective, and finding the value in their differing approaches! Wow!
Fuck yes, this is how you write super-ladies, okay. There’s more than one way to be a “strong female character.” There’s all different kinds of strength. Why don’t more people GET this?
why commit to people when you can commit to dogs
why commit to people when you can commit murder
that is not exactly what i was going for friend
will and hannibal: a conversation
- a group of guys going out: hell yeah man i'm gonna get fucked up and if i find a hot girl i wanna take home i might need a wingman just fyi
- a group of girls going out: okay ladies remember we're going in in formation B so we don't lose sight of one another, but if there's any trouble we decided on secret hand gesture alpha-6. don't accept drinks from anybody, we just can't risk it tonight. stacey, did you print out the blueprints of the frat house? oh i see you color coded it so we know which areas have the highest population density and which rooms are well lit, excellent. marie i need that report on incidents of date rape from the last five years. thanks. alright, i think we're all set then. remember the buddy system. let's have a wild night ladies, but stay safe.
Two months into our relationship you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “From here”. You didn’t get it and you got mad and thought I was playing around.
Breaking up after almost two years together, I sent you a message 6 months later saying “To Here”.
You still didn’t get it.
I can’t believe Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj and Kyary Pyamu Pyamu knew the truth about life fibers the whole time
Swear to god, some guys are terrified that girls are faking common interests to impress them and act really hostile towards anyone they even SUSPECT of doing such a thing
but then they turn around and fake a whole friendship in the hopes of getting sex out of girls, and get mad at them when it doesn’t work
and they super do not see the irony in that
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